An open letter to once loving couples - turned baby fathers and baby mothers

This is an open letter to the couples teetering somewhere in between salvaging a happy home, co-parenting, and giving it all up for the ever-coveted 'baby mother' and 'baby father' statuses. 

You weren't planning for it, but you also couldn't ignore the life you participated in creating.  You had history together so you thought, "we might not be ready but we can do this - we're a unit."  Now the chips have all landed, and you see where you're both standing.  Your hopes and dreams have seemingly faded from your immediate focus, your essence no longer radiates from your being, and the love you once shared for each other is but a fleeting memory.  

You are this close to giving up on your situation because of the pressure that has formed, now that you no longer can live in the selfish ways, we all once knew.  This pressure can make the sensible irrational; it can make you project your shortcomings on to your partner; and influence you to confuse feelings with facts. We’ve successfully over-complicated so many elements of how we understand and assess our 'situations,' that we seem to overlook the difference between ‘simplicity’ and ‘ease.'  The easy may be simple, but the simple may never come with ease.  No, not every relationship that produces a child should be pursued or preserved, but if there is a chance that working as a unit results in a more positive outcome for the family- push through dammit.

So many of us 20- somethings are walking away from situations because they are just that- 'situations,' full of uncertainty with no mutual expectation set for the future.

You quickly realized since embarking on this journey called parenthood, that building a family is not easy.  You've probably felt (one time or another) as though there are so many 'other options' when it comes to the family structure, based on the distractions all around us.  I am here to encourage you to always remember that the child born to un-betrothed parents is deserving of the same fight that many married couples put into keeping their families together.  Sometimes directing less attention to the romantic relationship, will allow you both to refocus on what matters most to you both.  Without putting forth your best effort you'll only never know the outcome unless you genuinely TRY.   Whether that family structure means coming to amicable co-parenting terms, throwing your hats back in the ring for another chance at preserving a cohesive family unit, or going separate ways all together- creating the best environment for your child(ren) is paramount.  

The purpose of this letter is to encourage you all to "stay in the saddle."  Be true to yourself and honest with your partner.  Quit resisting the change that parenthood forced upon you, and channel those emotions into a force that only fights for the success of your family.  Never forget the toxicity that uncertainty and pressure can create. Stay strong, explore your options, ignore your pride, acknowledge your progress, find ways to preserve who you are as an individual,  and most importantly protect your universe by being conscious of the energy that you allow to come in contact with this facet of your life.  

Much love, 

C. Hood